One night, years ago, I became convinced that the sound of the refrigerator was keeping me awake.
It was not a particularly loud refrigerator. During the day, I never noticed it. But at two in the morning, its low mechanical hum seemed to fill the entire apartment. I listened to it start, stop and start again. Between each cycle, I waited for sleep.
Sleep did not come.
I changed position and turned the pillow over. I began calculating how much of the night remained. Five hours, then four hours and forty-eight minutes. At some point, I stopped trying to sleep and started watching myself fail to sleep.
This is where an ordinary difficult night can become something else. The room has not changed. The bed is the same. But bedtime begins to feel like an examination, and the person lying beneath the covers is both the student and the examiner.
When sleep becomes something we must achieve, the body often responds by becoming more alert. We monitor every thought, every sound and every minute that passes. The harder we try to make sleep happen, the more evidence we collect that it is not happening.
Sleep specialists understand this cycle well. Cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia, known as CBT-I, does not only ask how many hours someone sleeps. It also examines what the mind has learned to associate with the bed, the night and the possibility of being awake.
Why trying to sleep can keep you awake
Sleep is not an action like brushing your teeth or closing a door. You can prepare for it. You can create conditions that support it. But you cannot command the precise moment when consciousness will disappear. When you begin treating sleep as a performance, bedtime can start to feel like a test.
Will I sleep tonight? How long will it take? How terrible will tomorrow be if I cannot?
Those questions increase pressure. Pressure creates alertness. Alertness makes sleep less likely.
The bed, which was once a place of rest, can slowly become associated with frustration, checking, effort and fear. You are no longer simply lying in bed. You are waiting for something to go wrong.
What sleep specialists understand about insomnia
In an episode of the Being Well podcast, clinical psychologist and sleep researcher Dr Ashley Mason explains how insomnia develops and what can keep it going.
The conversation explores consistent wake times, time spent in bed, caffeine, middle-of-the-night thoughts and sleep anxiety.
One of its most useful messages is that insomnia is not always explained by the number of hours someone sleeps. It is also shaped by the relationship they develop with sleep.
Dr Mason’s guidance is based on cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia, usually called CBT-I.
CBT-I is not simply a collection of sleep-hygiene tips. It works with the thoughts, behaviours and learned associations that can maintain chronic insomnia. Professional sleep guidelines recommend CBT-I as an initial treatment for adults with chronic insomnia.
This does not mean everyone who has a difficult night has insomnia. Temporary sleep disruption is normal. Chronic insomnia is different and deserves proper assessment.
Sleep anxiety can become a second problem
Perhaps your original sleep difficulty began during a stressful period. Work was demanding. A relationship ended. You were worried about money, health or someone you loved. Your nervous system remained active at night because life genuinely felt uncertain. Eventually, the original situation may have improved. But now you are anxious about sleep itself.
You notice the first yawn and wonder whether you are tired enough. You analyse every awakening. You cancel plans because you are afraid of being exhausted. You search for new supplements, routines and devices.
The wish to protect your sleep gradually makes your life revolve around it.
At that point, tiredness is not the only problem. Fear has entered the bedroom too.
Why ordinary sleep advice may not be enough
Most people who struggle with sleep have already heard the usual advice.
Avoid caffeine late in the day. Keep the bedroom cool. Reduce screen use. Establish a regular routine.
These habits can support sleep, but they do not always address chronic insomnia.
A person can follow every rule and still lie awake feeling frightened. In fact, accumulating more rules can sometimes increase sleep anxiety.
You begin believing that one cup of coffee, one late dinner or one evening on your phone has ruined the entire night.
Sleep becomes fragile in your imagination. You feel responsible for protecting it perfectly.
CBT-I takes a broader approach. It considers the thoughts and behaviours that maintain the struggle, including excessive time in bed, irregular schedules, catastrophic predictions and the association between bed and wakefulness.
What you can do when sleep feels forced
Keep your wake time reasonably consistent
After a difficult night, sleeping late can feel like the obvious solution. Occasionally, extra rest may be needed.
But repeatedly changing your wake time can make your sleep rhythm less predictable.
A reasonably consistent morning wake time gives the body a stable signal. It also helps sleep pressure build naturally during the following day.
The aim is not military precision. It is regularity.
Stop checking the time
At night, the clock rarely gives you useful information.
It gives you a number, followed by a calculation, followed by a prediction about how bad tomorrow will be.
Turn the clock away. Leave your phone somewhere you cannot easily reach. If you wake during the night, resist measuring the experience minute by minute.
You do not need to know exactly how badly you think you are sleeping.
Leave the bed when frustration takes over
If you are awake and becoming increasingly tense, lying in bed for a long time may strengthen the association between the bed and struggle.
Move to a quiet, dimly lit space. Read something calm or listen to something gentle. Return to bed when sleepiness begins to reappear.
The purpose is not to punish yourself or follow a rigid rule. It is to help the bed become connected with sleep again rather than hours of mental effort.
Write down what your mind is trying to hold
A tired mind can behave like an anxious night watchman.
It keeps repeating the same thought because it is afraid you will forget it.
Before bed, write down unfinished tasks, worries and anything that needs attention tomorrow. Beside each item, write one possible next action or the date when you will return to it.
The problem may not be solved. But your mind no longer has to keep carrying it through the night.
Replace the demand to sleep with permission to rest
“I must sleep now” turns sleep into an emergency.
Try something gentler:
“My job is to rest. Sleep will come when it comes.”
This is not magical thinking. It is a way of reducing the struggle that keeps the nervous system alert.
Rest still has value, even before sleep arrives.
Avoid turning your sleep tracker into a judge
Sleep trackers can offer useful information, but they are not perfect.
If you wake feeling reasonably rested and immediately become anxious because a device gave you a poor score, the data may be doing more harm than good.
Pay attention to how you function and feel during the day, not only to the numbers produced at night.
What relaxation can and cannot do
Breathing, meditation and guided relaxation can reduce tension and create a calmer transition into sleep. They should not become another test.
If you listen to a meditation while monitoring whether it is working, the practice can become part of the performance. Let it be a period of rest rather than a tool that must make you unconscious within ten minutes.
If persistent insomnia is affecting your daily life, speak with a doctor or qualified sleep professional. Heavy snoring, waking while choking, excessive daytime sleepiness and ongoing sleep difficulties may require medical assessment.
Some CBT-I techniques, particularly restricting time in bed, are best used with appropriate professional guidance.
Sleep cannot be bullied into arriving
Sleep is more like a shy animal. It approaches when the room feels quiet and nothing is chasing it. You cannot force it closer. You can only reduce the noise, step back and allow the conditions for rest to return.
If racing thoughts, nighttime anxiety and physical tension regularly follow you into bed, Sleep Reset is a seven-day guided audio journey created to help you slow down, release the day and rebuild a calmer relationship with bedtime.
It is designed as supportive sleep education and relaxation, not as a replacement for CBT-I or medical care.
Sources
Hanson, F., & Hanson, R. (2026). How to Fix Insomnia: CBT-I with Dr Ashley Mason. Being Well. Released 19 October 2026.
American Academy of Sleep Medicine. Behavioral and Psychological Treatments for Chronic Insomnia Disorder in Adults. Clinical practice guideline.
Keywords
Trying too hard to sleep, sleep anxiety, chronic insomnia, how to fall asleep, racing thoughts at night, CBT-I, cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia, nighttime anxiety, sleep pressure, insomnia treatment, better sleep habits, fear of not sleeping, calming the mind before bed.
